All the things I’d ought
Look at what they’ve wrought
All the things I’ve sought
All the things for not
You know when someone gives you advice, says you should do something, and tries to help you, and all you can say is, ‘I know.’? I know. I know. I know. Yeah, you know.
‘I know’ is code for ‘Thanks, but I got this. I got it all figured out. I can crash and burn without a co-pilot.’
Then life turns into a shit-show with you as the master of ceremonies. Nothing has turned out the way you imagined. You’ve torched all the bridges and docks leading from your island. The land is barren, and there’s a tsunami of regret approaching to swallow your soul. But hey, that’s the way you like it.
If there’s one thing I’ve learned, I haven’t learned enough. And ‘Faith without works is dead.’ I know things will get worse before they get better. I know life will get harder before hope’s reward. I know there are no miracles waiting for me around the corner, because there are no corners. Everything is right out in front of me, in plain sight, and it scares the shit out of me. Yeah, I know.
Does this mean I’m ready to forge headlong into the rancorous future? Does this mean I’ve shed the cuffs of fear? Does this mean I’m suddenly reborn as the undaunted hero? Hell no. It’s too hard. I’m not ready. I haven’t sunk far enough yet.
What’s worse than not knowing what to do to get out of a bad situation, is knowing what to do and realizing you can’t, or won’t, or somehow don’t want to.
Realizations are the reigns of an untamed beast, one that will most assuredly hurt you if you attempt to ride, but it’s the only escape from the inferno of failure.
I know. You know who I tell that to the most? Myself. There’s no way I’m gonna let myself tell me what to do when I already know what I ought.
Until next time, don’t bother me. I ought to be writing.
This is me, oughting to write!
The Halteres Chronicles 